Pain Syndrome

Monday, February 27, 2012

It is easily said than done.  At one time, you just want to get out but another time, you just want to forget all about it and stand strong but when things get rough, could you just leave everything or be trapped entirely. 

Lucky, who could imagine that in life you are lucky, does anyone know if that word do really exist?  There are days in your life that you are tired in living but so scared on dying.  Just when you thought that your life is coming together but in the end you will realized that it was eventually falling apart.  I guess, you told yourself several times, i want to stop trying because i could not hold anymore and you could not bear the pain anymore but then you smile and let people know that everything is fine but then your heart would just want to explode and asked yourself, am i getting better or you are just getting used of it. 

You tried to make someone laugh, you share a helping hand and you make people happy but deep inside your falling apart.  Someone told you, your strong, you can make it through just like you always do and you begin to wonder why?  What's wrong with me, how can anyone understand you when you could not understand yourself. You cried yourself at night and it seems so endless but the next day, the people around you see your laughter, how could you be so deceitful. 



 It's no use to claim your life because it's not yours alone, you can't solve a problem with adding fire on it.  When i was a child, i thought crying is the best solution, after letting it all out, the pain will be gone but now that your an adult, crying is just the only option you've got. 

You don't want to see the world the real you because if they did, they will probably hate you. They only see the smile in your face, the mask that you have learned to put for all the people who really don't care and whom you think will only judge your appearance. 

Do you ever had that feeling when you just want to be left alone, you don't want to put a smile and people pretending that they understood you but deep inside they feel that your just like a melo-dramatic person craving for  an acting award.  They will say you needed attention but for a people like yourself, being alone is the most precious time in your life. You keep the pain, swallowed the anger, you want to scream but no sound came out, you keep it all for yourself, you went on your shell and there you silently felt the tears endlessly coming down.  

No one can see the pain you keep inside, your fear is just your own and nobody would want it to know, so why would you show? You take the pain, after all the bruises it will make would eventually gone but deep inside your heart, the sorrow remains, you kept your silence, you swallowed your pride.  You told yourself, don't be angry because being angry scares the one you love and if that one day you become yourself again, you might end up looking at yourself all alone without love and without hope. 

There are many decisions in your life that you need to face, choices you need to make, sorrowful moments you need to overcome, painful experience you need to undergone but in the end, would it be worthy. Depression is your main enemy, would you get out or would you give in? The choice was entirely in you.  Maybe one day everything will be okay but then i wish that one day will immediately come unless you are gone. 
Melandria

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