Mom, are you my mother?

Sunday, May 06, 2012

I never thought that i would say those words.  For years, what i only knew is pain, anger and  sadness.  I used to cry each night finding answers on why a mother would leave her child and would never bother to care or look for her. 

There are different stories of mother, some were happy, heroic and some were too sad that you could not help but cry.  My life has been like a melo-dramatic movie or tele-serye. There was a time in my life that i gave up finding my real mother.  I told myself that if she cares for me, she would find a way to find me or make the courage to talk with me. After all that's what they say about mothers. 

But, i guess there are some point in your life that you will learn that life is not as easy as you could imagine.  There are lots of questions that is better left unanswered. But just like any child who have no memory of their mother, the yearning is always there. 

I have found my mom, if your too curious to know.  Yes, i finally found her and meet her.  I never thought that our first meeting would be that sad but it was an unexpected and i wished to erase that memory but the fact would still remain.  I met her unexpectedly at the wake of my only brother in my birth place.  My only brother whom i never had a chance to be with.   Mom also left him at the same time she left me. It was a sad truth that we are all in the same place but too sad he could not see her.  But even if it was a sad meeting, he became the bridge and my opportunity to finally meet our mother and I thought that would be my last memory of my mom. 
This blanket was hand sewn by my mom and it was the one that was covering me when
 she handed me to my grand mother who told her to never contact and visit me again.
It's my only comfort at time of sorrow, pain and fears. 
After fifteen years, i got the chance to meet her again, because of my own effort to find her. (Thank God for Friendster and for NSO).  My friend even told me to write at Wish ko lang, Reunion or even at Maala-ala mo kaya to find her.) But i'm a stubborn girl just as always but maybe that's stubbornness was also the same reason why i finally found her. The word "giving up" doesn't exist in my dictionary. My journey on finding her seems endless. It's like i'm finding a lost person that i thought i could never see again and along the way the feeling of not wanting to see her again. Next time, i know is, she looks like a different woman, different from what i have imagined about her. I was bound to ask, Mom, are you really my mother? But then, in your heart you will find the answer. She was indeed your mom.  A part of you will say that she was and as much as you would want to deny the truth, you can't.  Because, she filled the missing pieces of my fragile life and the over-flowing gratitude in my heart finally shows. 
Being a mom is my greatest achievement in life.
 I have learned that  it's a very difficult feeling to be separated from my children
and for that reason, i have learned to forgive my mother. 
I may never had the same feeling of having my own mother beside me and yes Mother's Day is one time of the year when I envy others because they can post pictures of their mothers or they can post a loving thought about them but even if i could not do it, i am very grateful for having one and for knowing her after several years of longing. 

If there is one thing i have learned from her, is acceptance and being contented.  Accept the truth that there are things bound to happen, destiny would find it's way to be fulfilled and be contented for what you have. I may never experienced a true love and caring of my real mother but being blessed with two adorable kids, I am grateful for learning the true essence of being one. I will always be forever grateful to her because i know in my heart that she loves and wanted me.  It begins at the time when she gave birth of me, i know that time even i don't have that memory, i can feel her love and her sweet smile while holding me and the time when we were taken away from her, her tears will always be a sweet music in my ears and a melody in my heart. 

Thank you MOM for all the love you have given me, for all the unspoken words, for all the sleepless nights of longing, for the endless tears, and the abundant prayer.  I know even we were many miles apart from each other, we will always have a bond that nobody can get from us and even if i have said a million times that I hate you, it would be impossible to forget you because i know in my heart that i will always love you because your my mom, whatever I am today I owe to you. I pray someday and hope it's not too late that our paths will cross again.   You will always be my MOM and i love you so much. 

This song is for you, Mom :) A Mother

Thank you for watching over me
All of the sleepless nights you lay awake
Thank you for knowing when to hold me close
when to let me go

Thank you for every stepping stone
And for the path that always leads me home
I thank you for the time you took
to see the heart inside of me

You gave me the roots to start this life
and then you gave me wings to fly
and I learned to dream 
because you believed in me

There's no power like it on this earth
No treasure equal to its worth
The gift of a mother's love

Thank you for every sunlit day 
That filled the corners of my memory
Thank you for every selfless unsung deed
I know you did for me

Thank you for giving me the choice
To search my soul till I could find my voice
And I thank you for teaching me 
To be strong enough to bend (Jim Brickman)

Tell the world how you love your mom and how thankful you are.  Visit Thank You Mom, Facebook page or be inspired to learn the Best Job in the World. Tito Boy’s Salamat Nanay Behind the Scenes: defines the real essence of a loving mother.

Sharing this post for: Wednesday White 

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  1. wow! i am speechless of this article of yours! i can somewhat relate to this although it's not about my mother but my half sister whom i only knew by name but then 28 years later, i got to meet and see her in person. yes, there is this longing in your heart to see the person and you thought it was impossible but God has His own way....

    here for Wednesday Whites by the way...

  2. I am happy that you'll able to forgive your mom, this is a not easy for you but time heals. God will truly blessed you! :)

  3. oooh.. ang sweet naman ng msg na to...

  4. Wow! You've got a great story here. That's life. And I admire you for being strong and open-minded. Indeed, you're a real mother now.

  5. I admire your strength. You have probably gone through the worst but that wasn't a hindrance for you to love the people around you. I'm a mother too, and I've had pretty much "bad" memories in my childhood. I just can't seem to find that place in my heart where I could forgive my parents, until I read this. Thank you for making me realize that forgiveness is the best gift that I could give my daughter. And myself as well.

  6. I never knew this story of yours...I always saw you as a smiling person with a very happy disposition...that I think is your will showing...glad that you got your closure. Here's hoping for a better tomorrow! :)

  7. Looking back through the years would bring back the pain and longing. However, I can't advise you to just forget the past as it is hard to do. But forgiving and letting go can lead you down the path of healing and peace.

  8. Very inspiring maam. mapapaiyak yata ako nito

  9. I've commented before. Just letting you know that I'm back and browsing. Emailed you. :)

  10. Such a sweet post :) Am glad you found your mother. All the best in your quest to be a great mom :)

  11. what a touching story Sis :-) it made me cry :-( I am glad that you met and forgive your Mother. The blanket is so special, am glad that you keep it. Growing up, I am not close to my own Mom :-( she plays favoritism :-( now that I live half around the world far from here, I learned to forgive and I miss my Mama so much and cannot wait to see her :-) Dropping by from Wednesday Whites

  12. so touching indeed, sis!!;) thanks for sharing. belated happy mom's day to you... your kids are blessed to have a mom like you.
    thanks for joining WW!

  13. can't help but shed tears...


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